"Lighting the lantern of love"

Abstract

Early parent-infant relationships can come with challenges. In this co-produced article, we (Rhonda, a systemic psychotherapist, and Chris, a father) reflect on our shared therapeutic journey in the Leeds Infant Mental Health Service[1]. We explore the evolving relationship between Chris and his young son, "Edward", from a numbness in the beginning where love 'ought to be’ to his much-wanted feelings of love for his son being ignited.

Chris’s voice is interwoven with Rhonda’s reflections as a clinician. By intentionally writing together, we hope to bring to life a relationship in which theory and practice continually shape one another. After initially feeling that nothing much changed, we found a shared language that helped ignite the ‘lantern of love’. Chris brought the emotional spectrum as a frame of reference and Rhonda responded to this using an integration of systemic theory and parent-infant relational work that she would call 'parent-infant systemic psychotherapy’. Finding a shared language is relevant to all relationships and particularly where autism may be part of the context. Along with curiosity and attunement in the therapeutic relationship, this shared language invited new narratives to emerge for Chris and "Edward" —and also for Rhonda, whose clinical practice was shaped and deepened by this experience.

In this article, we hope to open space for stories that reflect the multiverse of human experience - where love doesn’t always arrive instantly but can grow through effort, reflection, and relational repair. Ultimately, we write about relational attunement and hope. Hope that love can be found, even when it feels far away. Hope that connection can grow, even when the beginning feels fractured. And hope that sharing our story will help caregivers and professionals alike in figuring out how the 'beat' and the 'dance hall' might be shaping their unique dance of attunement - whether this is a father finding their own way toward connection with their infant or a professional navigating the embodied and contextual influences that accompany this journey.

[1] IMHS, Leeds Community Healthcare Trust, Chris and “Sarah" have all given permission for this article to feature our experiences together.